Thursday, July 30, 2009

If your vehicle tyre bursts on the Expressway, keep driving.

Yeah, weird title. But if you reading this, it got your attention, didn't it? This is about a trip that I made to Pune recently via (you guessed it) the Mumbai-Pune Expressway.

It had been some time that Viraat had shifted to Pune and his friends hadn't gone to see him. So, one weekend three of them - Harpreet, Amrit and Simi decided to pay him a visit. Since it was the monsoon season, Harpreet (the conservative one) decided against travelling by bikes. He showed bravery enough to ask his father for the family car. A car that was 9 years old now, but had yet never made a single trip out of Mumbai. Surprisingly Harpreet's father agreed without the slightest hassle. So it was decided, the three of them would drive down to Pune. However, Harpreet's dad insisted that they get the tyres checked, and in fact also suggested that they buy a new stepney.

They stopped at the first petrol pump they saw, and Harpreet got the typre pressure checked. As the attendant proceeded to fill the air in the spare typre, the (old) spare burst with a loud bang. Simi was startled out of her wits coz she was in the back seat. So they decided they would buy a new tyre at the next shop they found.

Driving in the beautiful rains and on the beautiful roads, they probably missed a few tyre shops and hit the expressway soon. The usually conservative Harpreet said they would risk it. So they drove on. Most of the drive went well, but 20 kms away from Pune, after crossing the Pimpri Chinchwad exit, the rear tyre burst. The car jerked a bit and thudded but since Harpreet had maintained a constant speed of 80 kmph, he was able to control the car and slowly glide it to the left side of the road, and stop. Simi was startled again, and would you believe it, it was the tyre directly under her. (Yeah..I think so too, but she aint that heavy)

The three got out and inspected the damage. The tyre was gone, all the lining and the metal blown apart. The bumper was damaged a little too but apart from that not too bad for a tyre burst. So there they were, with a burst tyre and a burst stepney.

Harpreet had memorised it every single time a board showed it, so he knew the number to call in case of 'emergency'. He gave Amrit the number. Amrit called.

Amrit - 'Hello, my tyre burst on the Mumbai - Pune expressway.'
Emergency Help - 'For tyre burst call another number. Bye' (gave number)

Amrit called the 'other number'.

Amrit - 'Hello, my tyre burst on the Mumbai - Pune expressway.'
Tyre burst number - 'Where?'
Amrit - 'On the Mumbai - Pune Expresssway.'
Tyre burst number - 'No I mean where on it?'
Amrit to Harpreet - 'Where are we?'
Harpreet - 'Tell them we crossed the Pimpri exit and are a km or so on from there.'
Amrit conveys the message. And hangs up.
Amrit - 'They are coming.'

With the weather so beautiful, they didnt realise when 45 minutes passed by. Actually they did. They all had wrist watches. Amrit called again.

Amrit - 'Sir my tyre burst on the Mum...'
Tyre burst number - 'Yeah yeah. Our guy went out looking for you and didn't find you.'
Amrit - 'Really? We are the only guys here with a broken down car.'
Tyre burst number - 'Is there a bridge around you?'
Amrit - 'Ya, its a km away.'
Tyre burst number - 'Whats written on it?'
Amrit - 'It is a km away, didnt you hear? And I dont have binoculars.'
Tyre burst number (missing humor) - 'Go and check the name on it.'
Amrit - 'What?'
Dead phone line.

So Amrit tells the rest that he needs to go check the name on the bridge. They say Ok. So he leaves while Harpreet and Simi indulge in some intellectual conversation, now that Amrit is gone. 15 minutes later, Simi and Harpreet see help coming their way. On a motorcycle. And Amrit is riding pillion on it. The bike reaches the car.

Biker help guy - 'What happened?'
Harpreet - 'Um, the tyre burst.'
Biker help guy (being helpful) - 'Change it to the stepney.'
Harpreet - 'Stepney burst too. Besides if we had one, why would we call you?'
Biker help guy - 'Yeah.'
Harpreet - 'So you got a motor cycle. How does that help us?'
Biker help guy (ignoring) - 'Took me so much time to find you. Its almost the end of my shift, yet I came.'
Harpreet - 'It is almost the end right? Hasn't ended ya?'
Biker help guy - 'Yeah.'
Harpreet - 'So, how do you help us.'
Biker help guy - 'I will give you a number. You can call them.'
Harpreet (losing a little cool) - 'What? You came all the way here to give us a number?'
Biker help guy - 'Hey, I am helping you. You are getting angry.'
Harpreet - 'I have been here for an hour. And you come here on a motor cycle and say that you are gonna give me a number? Why didnt you just give it to me on the phone when I called you?'
Biker help guy - 'Hey, I am helping you. You are getting angry.'
Harpreet - 'Really? You still wondering why?'
Simi (taking charge) - 'Ok give us the number.'

Biker help guy gives number. Amrit volunteers to call because he can see the Harpreet is not calm. Biker guy offers to call. From Amrit's phone. He calls, talks for a bit and comes back.

Biker help guy - 'Yeah. He says he won't come.'
Harpreet - 'What?? An hour we wait, then we get a number...'
Simi (interrupts) - 'Now what?'
Biker help guy - You can leave your car here and go to the nearest tyre guy with your stepney get it fixed and come back.'
Simi - 'And you will take one of us there.'
Biker help guy - 'No. That's not my job. Plus my shift is almost over.'
Harpreet - 'Then what is your job?'
Biker help guy - 'I am providing you security.'
Harpreet - 'Security? From what?'
Biker help guy - 'This is a very unsafe stretch of road.'
Harpreet - 'Really? And in that one hour that you weren't here, what happened to security?'
Biker help guy - 'Hey, I am helping you. You are getting angry.'
Harpreet moves away.

Simi - 'Now what?'
Biker help guy - 'You can leave your car here and all three of you can hitch a ride with another vehicle and get your stepney fixed.'
Harpreet (back) - 'But you said this road was unsafe. How can I leave my car here. What if I come back and there are no tryes at all?'
Biker help guy - 'Hey, I am helping you. You are getting angry.'
Harpreet - "Hey your shift is almost over right?'
Biker help guy - 'Yeah and I still came.'
Harpreet - 'Thanks man. I think you can leave now. You have been a great help.'
Biker help guy (relieved) - 'Thanks. Bye. Take care.'
Harpreet - 'And suddenly we don't need security.'

Meanwhile Simi and Amrit have called Just Dial etc and have got a few numbers of towing vehicles. They get through quite a few and eventually find one who is willing to come to pick them up. They tell the pick-up the location. In two minutes they see a towing vehicle arrive. They are impressed with the efficiency.

Towing guy - 'What happened?'
Amrit - 'Tyre busrt.'
Towing guy - 'Change it to the stepney.'
Amrit (understand Harpreets state) - 'Stepney burst too. Besides if we had one, why would we call you?'
Towing guy - 'Yeah. So what do you wanna do?'
Harpreet - 'Will you tow us to the nearest tyre shop?'
Towing guy - 'Sure, but I will charge Rs. 600/-.'
Harpreet- 'Thats cool man. Lets do it.'
Towing guy - 'OK, let me attach the chain.'
Harpreet - 'Whoa! Arent you gonna lift it?'
Towing guy - 'Lift it? What do you mean by that?'
Harpreet - 'Lift it, you know. From the rear end so that no weight comes on the tyre?'
Towing guy - 'Really? No we don't lift it.'
Harpreet - 'But then the car still moves on the tyre. My engine is fine, I need the weight to go off the tyre.'
Towing guy - 'Yeah. We dont lift it.'
Harpreet - 'Damn!'
Towing guy - 'Tell you what I can do. I can take you guys to the nearest tyre shop in my car. We can get your stepney fixed and I can drive you back.'

This leaves the three friends pretty impressed.

Harpreet - "How much are you gonna charge for that?'
Towing guy - 'Rs 600/-.'
Simi - 'No, not for the towing. For taking us to the tyre shop.'
Towing guy - 'Yeah. Rs. 600/-.'
Harpreet - 'You serious? Thats like a return fare from Mumbai to Pune man. Maybe even more.' Towing guy - 'Can't help it.'
Harpreet - 'How far is this tyre place anyway?'
Towing guy - 'Just a km away.'
Harpreet - 'And you gonna charge me 600 bucks to take me a km away and back?'
Towing guy - 'Yeah.'
Harpreet - 'Thanks, but I would rather drive.'

The friends told the towing guy to leave. He obliged. Seeing the damaged tyre, Harpreet thought it would be a better idea to change it to the stepney, which was also burst, but comparitively was less damaged. So they replaced the tyre. What followed is a conversation between evidently experienced car drivers -

Harpreet - 'What do we do with the burst tyre? It is ripped pretty bad.'
Amrit (pointing to the wilderness) - 'Would you be cool throwing it here?'
Simi - 'You think someone cleans this place? I don't think we should dirty the environment.'
Harpreet - 'I completely agree with Simi, dude, how can you be so pathetic?'
Amrit - 'I know man, was just messing with you.'
Harpreet - 'So we all think we should take this tyre and dispose it in a proper manner.'
Simi and Amrit - 'Yes.'

With that reason in mind, Harpreet picked the tyre up and loaded it into the boot. Then at a speed of 10kmph started driving on. The towing guy was right. A km away they saw an exit and next to the exit was a petrol pump, and would you believe it, a tyre shop. Harpreet ran towards the tyre shop and asked the gentle man for the tyre with the exact specifications. (He had got it from the puncture guy next to the shop). So the salesman gets out a tyre with a nice foil around it. As he unwraps it, Harpreet realises the salesman is upto some mischief.

Harpreet - 'Hold on Mister. Are you trying to cheat me?'
Salesman - 'Huh? What?'
Harpreet (thinking he has cornered him, and expecting a discount now) - 'Where is that silvery thing in the middle of the tyre, eh?'
Salesman - 'Huh? What?'
Harpreet - 'You know what I am talking about. That silvery thing that the tyre is wound on man. You are selling me an incomplete tyre.'
Saleman - 'Do you mean the 'rim'?'
Harpreet - 'Damn right I mean the rim!'
Salesman - 'Do you want to buy a rim also?'
Harpreet (slightly stumped) - 'What do you mean...also?'
Salesman - 'Dont you have a rim? Your tyre burst right? You didnt lose the rim too?'
Harpreet - 'Yeah. Of course, I have the rim. That's precisely why I loaded the burst tyre in the boot in the first place. You think I am an inept driver? Just make the bill for the tyre...without the rim.'

So that was the experience of the three friends on the expressway. The story is true. Even the dialgogues are true. Only translated from Hindi. They were funnier in Hindi I must say. So, if your tyre bursts on the expressway, think twice before calling the 'help' guys!!
P.S. It took us, I mean, them 8 hours total from Andheri in Mumbai to Herms heritage in Pune.