I have shamelessly borrowed the title from a poem that I read while I was at school. It was a description of the poet's visit to the dentist. I would imagine it was written quite some time back, so the poor chap must have been through quite a troublesome time in "The Chair".
But we live in modern times. Advanced medicine has ensured that we get the best treatment with the least problems and hassles....and pain. Or so I thought. I don't like being proved wrong, esp in "The Chair". That just sucks.
My problem starts quite some time back. My father was serving in the Indian Navy at the time. One of the perks that you enjoy as the family member of a serving officer is almost-free treatment. I say almost free because sometimes they charged me Re 1/- for an X-ray. Yeah, Re 1/-. I don't know the funda...but they just did it sometimes. You get the basic idea. Its free treatment.
The free treatment that I have used most has been the oral health care department. For people who didn't get it, that means the dentist. I have memories dating back to my childhood when I would sit crying outside the dentist's room because he mentioned an "extraction". My mom has had quite a tough time accompanying me to these places. So keeping with my childhood tradition, about 3-4 years back, I had a root canal done on one of my teeth. Root Canal sounds scary doesn't it? For people who don't know what it is...Google. I didn't know much about it then, and I am told now that it is a procedure done under local anaesthesia. I swear...I was not given an injection before the dentist proceeded to poke those silver needles into my tooth. I SWEAR. My current dentist does not believe it, but it is true. I had the entire procedure done without the numbing effect, and I was thrashing about in that chair. Maybe that dentist just didn't like me.
After all that pain I endured, I came to know 2 months back, that the root canal was a bad one. Meaning? Basically one of those pins didn't go all the way through some canal, and that meant that beneath that pin, there was a gap, and there is something about gaps that infections just love. So infection started...and again...pain started. Great. So my current dentist, whose treatment isn't remotely free (I wont trust free treatment anymore, of course) called in an RCT specialist to try and undo the damage that the Naval dentist had done. Well after quite a lot of probing, which was thankfully done under anaesthesia, there was bad news. He couldn't save the tooth. OK. But what did that mean? That meant an "extraction".
I took a week to think about it and get advice from a few people, and after a LOT of thinking, decided that was the way to go. The tooth was not in great shape. It looked like the walls of a ruining fort, so I thought I might as well get it out. So Extraction is the choice.
The dentist I go to now is very good. I can vouch for his ability and credibility. So if any of you people, in Mumbai, want an opinion about your teeth, I would definitely recommend his clinic. Back to my scene. So I was there in "The Chair", and I was given the injection. I hate injections and closed my eyes shut while he administered it. He did it pretty well, coz I didn't realise when it was done. So we waited for the numbness to set it, and then he began. I believe that dentists should provide you with an eye-cap so that you cant see the kind of instruments they use. That kinda scares the shit out of me. I even said this to him, but he said that most patients wanted to see what was going on and felt less scared when they could watch. Not me...I ain't falling for that. I prefer to keep my eyes shut. Just before the procedure started and I was given the injection, I told the dentist, that I didn't know what it was, but I just had the feeling that this wasn't going to be easy. He assured me that he had done so many of these extractions, that I wouldn't even feel when my tooth was out. He said max it would take 1/2 an hour.
Just before I closed my eyes, I saw what looked like a file or something with a curved pointed end. I was told that it was used to loosen the tooth. I don't know how it worked, but I could taste some blood while he was working with it. He did that for quite some time, and I made the mistake of opening my eyes once again, and saw him get his set of "instruments" closer. And instantly I knew...that I shouldn't have opened my eyes. Pliers???? I mean yeah, when I was young they had used those things...but modern technology has no replacement for them?? Damn!! Anyway, then I felt the pulling and the twisting. I was trying to concentrate elsewhere, trying to be in my "happy place". Yeah right. That dint work. I could still feel the tugging and the twisting. I didn't feel much pain, and the very little that I did, I didn't react to it. After all I wanted to be the strong guy who didn't feel pain. The "mard ko dard nahi hota" kinds. After quite some effort from the dentist, I heard some sort of breaking noise, and though not clear, I am sure I heard an under the breath "Oh shit". Great. That's precisely what you don't want to hear from a doctor who is working on you. And then he said "The queen has lost its crown!". so is the battle won??? No. It just got a lot more complicated.
Then I was made to shift from my current chair into another one. Why? Coz now another dentist would have to work on my tooth. Why? Coz the crown had broken, there was nothing to hold on to, so they would have to remove it surgically. What? yeah baby! Well I had said that for some reason, I knew it wasn't going to be easy. Nothing ever is with me.
Now while shifting, obviously I had to open my eyes. I would have been charged a lot more had i broken a few of his instruments. So while I had access to my eyesight, I conveniently glanced at the set of 'weapons' that would now be used in my mouth. I wasn't sure for a sec after that whether the darkness was just me closing my eyes again, or had I fainted. Well luckily, I hadn't fainted. Or unluckily? Whatever. So now my tooth would be surgically removed. Before the next dentist could start, I asked through my sedated mouth "izh theezh gyoiying tyo pyain myorrre dhen bifur?" And he smiled and said "No, No, this will pain less". Nice!!
And then he started working on my tooth. I felt pain. Lots of it. I started to raise my hand, nobody responded to it, so I made some gargling noises. He stopped working and asked "What happened." "Yaaee feelllt pyaain" He said it couldn't be pain because I had been given the injection. It was just pressure and I was misunderstanding it as pain. So now pressure is like a woman to me. I cant understand it. :) He also added that I should raise my hand if I felt pain. I told him that my hand was perpetually up and he hadn't noticed. "Sorry". Smile.
I closed my eyes, and he started again. I heard a whirring sound and I knew what it was. It was a cutting instruments, carpenters use it to cut wood. It is this wheel that has sharp edges and moves at insane speeds allowing the wood to chop off easily. It was a smaller version of that, but I knew what would be happening in my mouth. And I could feel pain. And more pain. He stopped with the cutting instrument and put some blunt instrument inside. And the next sensation was just....sensational. I could feel my tooth breaking. Touch wood I have never felt my bone breaking, but I imagine it would be similar...I could FEEL it breaking. And I felt pain. And more pain. I think this is about the time that I started writhing in the chair and waving my arms wildly. He stopped and said "Arpit, it is pressure". I said "yit his dyefinitely pyain" Man, I was talking like Stallone!!!
He started again, and it hurt like crazy. I think he gave me a couple of injections more, but to no avail. That is probably the most pain I have felt in a long long time, it was quite unbearable...and I had to bear it. More twisting...more pliers...more breaking...more cutting (Sectioning is what they like to call it) and more pain!! And I was writhing in the chair again. Had anyone captured that on camera I would have been embarrassed to no end, but then I wasn't thinking along these lines then. In the midst of it, he also said "If we don't get it now, we might not be able to get it out", so I just accepted that it was going to pain and let him go along with what he was doing...with a little less twisting in "The Chair".
"It's done." Seemed like ages before I heard that, and I was so relieved that I was feeling no more pain. I spit out the little blood that was in my mouth and turned to face him. He showed me my tooth. The damn thing was long. Even without its crown, it was about an inch long. The dentist said it was a "beautiful tooth" and he was sad that he had to extract it. He also added that had the first root canal been good, my tooth would have lasted past my lifetime. Add this to the pain, and you can understand that I didn't feel too good. I was really sad that I had to have my tooth extracted. Now I wish I had taken better care of my teeth when I was younger, but hey, we are humans....most of us LIVE in the retrospective mode.
My Dentist accepted that this was one of his longer extraction times, though he said it wasn't the worst that he had come across. He also added something about the infection being acidic medium and neutralising the injection effect and hence causing pain. All I could say was "Yaee Tyold yu syo". I now have to get a titanium implant in its place. They are supposed to be the best substitute for a tooth. Slightly expensive, but at my age, its worth it they say.
All I asked about it was "Yis thya pyain gunna bee wurrse?"
