Thank God for Sunglasses

I haven't blogged in a long time, but just had to get this on the site.

I was riding to office this morning, as is customary. The weather is beautiful this time of the year and the rains are temporarily on hold, so it is just perfect to be riding your Royal Enfield on near-empty roads. And so I was enjoying the ride to office. I was navigating through the sparse traffic when I came upon this dumper in front of me. Now anyone who has read the newspapers regularly know what a menace these dumpers are to fellow drivers. So at once I was cautious. I changed my lane so that I wasn't following it. I contemplated following on just like this, coz I am not a fast rider as it is. Then I saw the problem.

This dumper was carrying wet mud. And as everyone knows, these dumpers carry less than they drop, and this guy was keeping with tradition. Bits and pieces of mud were flying off in every direction. I didn't want any of these to land on my formal office wear so decided to make an overtaking manoeuvre.

1) Accelerator to zero.
2) Compress clutch.
3) Switch gear down by one.
4) Release clutch slowly.
5) Accelerate with intent to leave dust behind.
6) What the.....

Just as Rossi was going to leave this challenger behind, I noticed a lump of wet mud flying towards me. I hope you have seen "Speed" where that piece of paper with "Bomb on Bus" goes flying towards the drivers windshield. Well that is precisely what happened in my case. I could see that mud-piece actually grow in size as it moved towards me. It just grew exponentially and then SLAM!!!

Thank God for sunglasses. That piece of mud completely covered the right side of my sunglasses. Left with one eye to navigate, I carefully slowed down and moved to the left off the road, and with the one eye saw the challenger quite literally kick dirt into Rossi's face. As I got the bike cloth off to wipe my glasses clean, i just wondered what would have happened had I not been wearing the sunglasses.

Just another day on Bombay Roads.

This is going to hurt just a little bit

I have shamelessly borrowed the title from a poem that I read while I was at school. It was a description of the poet's visit to the dentist. I would imagine it was written quite some time back, so the poor chap must have been through quite a troublesome time in "The Chair".

But we live in modern times. Advanced medicine has ensured that we get the best treatment with the least problems and hassles....and pain. Or so I thought. I don't like being proved wrong, esp in "The Chair". That just sucks.

My problem starts quite some time back. My father was serving in the Indian Navy at the time. One of the perks that you enjoy as the family member of a serving officer is almost-free treatment. I say almost free because sometimes they charged me Re 1/- for an X-ray. Yeah, Re 1/-. I don't know the funda...but they just did it sometimes. You get the basic idea. Its free treatment.

The free treatment that I have used most has been the oral health care department. For people who didn't get it, that means the dentist. I have memories dating back to my childhood when I would sit crying outside the dentist's room because he mentioned an "extraction". My mom has had quite a tough time accompanying me to these places. So keeping with my childhood tradition, about 3-4 years back, I had a root canal done on one of my teeth. Root Canal sounds scary doesn't it? For people who don't know what it is...Google. I didn't know much about it then, and I am told now that it is a procedure done under local anaesthesia. I swear...I was not given an injection before the dentist proceeded to poke those silver needles into my tooth. I SWEAR. My current dentist does not believe it, but it is true. I had the entire procedure done without the numbing effect, and I was thrashing about in that chair. Maybe that dentist just didn't like me.

After all that pain I endured, I came to know 2 months back, that the root canal was a bad one. Meaning? Basically one of those pins didn't go all the way through some canal, and that meant that beneath that pin, there was a gap, and there is something about gaps that infections just love. So infection started...and again...pain started. Great. So my current dentist, whose treatment isn't remotely free (I wont trust free treatment anymore, of course) called in an RCT specialist to try and undo the damage that the Naval dentist had done. Well after quite a lot of probing, which was thankfully done under anaesthesia, there was bad news. He couldn't save the tooth. OK. But what did that mean? That meant an "extraction".

I took a week to think about it and get advice from a few people, and after a LOT of thinking, decided that was the way to go. The tooth was not in great shape. It looked like the walls of a ruining fort, so I thought I might as well get it out. So Extraction is the choice.

The dentist I go to now is very good. I can vouch for his ability and credibility. So if any of you people, in Mumbai, want an opinion about your teeth, I would definitely recommend his clinic. Back to my scene. So I was there in "The Chair", and I was given the injection. I hate injections and closed my eyes shut while he administered it. He did it pretty well, coz I didn't realise when it was done. So we waited for the numbness to set it, and then he began. I believe that dentists should provide you with an eye-cap so that you cant see the kind of instruments they use. That kinda scares the shit out of me. I even said this to him, but he said that most patients wanted to see what was going on and felt less scared when they could watch. Not me...I ain't falling for that. I prefer to keep my eyes shut. Just before the procedure started and I was given the injection, I told the dentist, that I didn't know what it was, but I just had the feeling that this wasn't going to be easy. He assured me that he had done so many of these extractions, that I wouldn't even feel when my tooth was out. He said max it would take 1/2 an hour.

Just before I closed my eyes, I saw what looked like a file or something with a curved pointed end. I was told that it was used to loosen the tooth. I don't know how it worked, but I could taste some blood while he was working with it. He did that for quite some time, and I made the mistake of opening my eyes once again, and saw him get his set of "instruments" closer. And instantly I knew...that I shouldn't have opened my eyes. Pliers???? I mean yeah, when I was young they had used those things...but modern technology has no replacement for them?? Damn!! Anyway, then I felt the pulling and the twisting. I was trying to concentrate elsewhere, trying to be in my "happy place". Yeah right. That dint work. I could still feel the tugging and the twisting. I didn't feel much pain, and the very little that I did, I didn't react to it. After all I wanted to be the strong guy who didn't feel pain. The "mard ko dard nahi hota" kinds. After quite some effort from the dentist, I heard some sort of breaking noise, and though not clear, I am sure I heard an under the breath "Oh shit". Great. That's precisely what you don't want to hear from a doctor who is working on you. And then he said "The queen has lost its crown!". so is the battle won??? No. It just got a lot more complicated.

Then I was made to shift from my current chair into another one. Why? Coz now another dentist would have to work on my tooth. Why? Coz the crown had broken, there was nothing to hold on to, so they would have to remove it surgically. What? yeah baby! Well I had said that for some reason, I knew it wasn't going to be easy. Nothing ever is with me.

Now while shifting, obviously I had to open my eyes. I would have been charged a lot more had i broken a few of his instruments. So while I had access to my eyesight, I conveniently glanced at the set of 'weapons' that would now be used in my mouth. I wasn't sure for a sec after that whether the darkness was just me closing my eyes again, or had I fainted. Well luckily, I hadn't fainted. Or unluckily? Whatever. So now my tooth would be surgically removed. Before the next dentist could start, I asked through my sedated mouth "izh theezh gyoiying tyo pyain myorrre dhen bifur?" And he smiled and said "No, No, this will pain less". Nice!!

And then he started working on my tooth. I felt pain. Lots of it. I started to raise my hand, nobody responded to it, so I made some gargling noises. He stopped working and asked "What happened." "Yaaee feelllt pyaain" He said it couldn't be pain because I had been given the injection. It was just pressure and I was misunderstanding it as pain. So now pressure is like a woman to me. I cant understand it. :) He also added that I should raise my hand if I felt pain. I told him that my hand was perpetually up and he hadn't noticed. "Sorry". Smile.

I closed my eyes, and he started again. I heard a whirring sound and I knew what it was. It was a cutting instruments, carpenters use it to cut wood. It is this wheel that has sharp edges and moves at insane speeds allowing the wood to chop off easily. It was a smaller version of that, but I knew what would be happening in my mouth. And I could feel pain. And more pain. He stopped with the cutting instrument and put some blunt instrument inside. And the next sensation was just....sensational. I could feel my tooth breaking. Touch wood I have never felt my bone breaking, but I imagine it would be similar...I could FEEL it breaking. And I felt pain. And more pain. I think this is about the time that I started writhing in the chair and waving my arms wildly. He stopped and said "Arpit, it is pressure". I said "yit his dyefinitely pyain" Man, I was talking like Stallone!!!

He started again, and it hurt like crazy. I think he gave me a couple of injections more, but to no avail. That is probably the most pain I have felt in a long long time, it was quite unbearable...and I had to bear it. More twisting...more pliers...more breaking...more cutting (Sectioning is what they like to call it) and more pain!! And I was writhing in the chair again. Had anyone captured that on camera I would have been embarrassed to no end, but then I wasn't thinking along these lines then. In the midst of it, he also said "If we don't get it now, we might not be able to get it out", so I just accepted that it was going to pain and let him go along with what he was doing...with a little less twisting in "The Chair".

"It's done." Seemed like ages before I heard that, and I was so relieved that I was feeling no more pain. I spit out the little blood that was in my mouth and turned to face him. He showed me my tooth. The damn thing was long. Even without its crown, it was about an inch long. The dentist said it was a "beautiful tooth" and he was sad that he had to extract it. He also added that had the first root canal been good, my tooth would have lasted past my lifetime. Add this to the pain, and you can understand that I didn't feel too good. I was really sad that I had to have my tooth extracted. Now I wish I had taken better care of my teeth when I was younger, but hey, we are humans....most of us LIVE in the retrospective mode.

My Dentist accepted that this was one of his longer extraction times, though he said it wasn't the worst that he had come across. He also added something about the infection being acidic medium and neutralising the injection effect and hence causing pain. All I could say was "Yaee Tyold yu syo". I now have to get a titanium implant in its place. They are supposed to be the best substitute for a tooth. Slightly expensive, but at my age, its worth it they say.
All I asked about it was "Yis thya pyain gunna bee wurrse?"

For Nookie

"That is not my problem now Mr Shah is it? Don't give Mr Butter fingers a bomb to diffuse if you don’t want it to blow up in your face. I'm the one that gets them in here. You are the ones that assign the duties", said an irritated Sanjay Gupta. Even as recruitment head of a one of the top ten finance firms in India, he didn’t have patience enough to placate an overly critical project manager trying to blame him for the inadequate performance of one of his recently hired employees. It wasn't his fault they had made a rookie in charge of something big and he had made a decision which not too many people were proud of. Sanjay had made it clear, he would get the cream in, but in time, the cream had to change to wine, THEY had to ensure it.

He was still fuming in his mind, when the intercom buzzed. "Yeah", he bellowed into the microphone. "Mr Rathod is here to see you sir" , his secretary managed to say. "Send him in", replied Gupta, "and Priya..." he paused, "Sorry about that. Was just a little put off". "Oh not a problem Mr Gupta", she chirped back. Sanjay smiled. A little indulgence now. Mr. Vikram Rathod was the latest person to get through the initial 'entrance procedures' of the firm. He had done well in the aptitude tests and the initial interviews. But Sanjay wasn't relying on them now. The last call was just another reminder that the guys beyond the reception desk expected every new joinee to be as capable as ....."May I come in, sir".

A million times. He had heard this line a million times. Yet something this time was different. He mentally went over each word in that simple sentence. They were all the same. No unnecessary stress on any vowel in particular. Yet he had felt something different from before. Maybe it was the voice. Or maybe he was in a real weird mood. He looked up. Vikram Rathod. Sanjay tried to get descriptive about Vikram in his head. He did this every time he met someone new. Like in the novels he read so often, he tried to gather as many adjectives as he could. Not very tall, not square-jawed, not muscular, not overly handsome......he was trying hard to get an adjective which didn’t involve a negative, but he couldn’t point out any straightforward quality. He could only point out what Vikram was not. Why? Why was he doing this? He was usually very good at analyzing a persons physical appearance. Yet, this time he could not place Vikram Rathod. Why? Then something cleared. Whenever he had someone come in for an interview, he would get a CHANCE to notice them. This time he knew why he wasn’t able to get a clear description. Vikram wouldn’t let him. Vikram stared at him. Right at him. Or was it through him? And for the very first time, after he had taken over as recruitment head and had first sat in his big leather chair, did Sanjay feel that it was he who was being judged. Vikram Rathod stood there as if he was sizing him up. "Don't look for a good word for me buddy, tell me something good about yourself first", his look commanded. "Look around the room," Sanjay ordered in his mind, "It’s the first time you are in here", but Vikram stood there like he and Sanjay were the only entities present in the universe at that instant.

Sanjay nodded.

Vikram entered, walked straight to his desk, and arched one eye-brow every so slightly. Sanjay nodded again, and he sat. Was he trying to intimidate him? Sanjay knew this trick, he had tried to use it at a few interviews himself, but it never worked. You couldn’t mess with the guy taking the interview, it was HE who had nothing to lose. But Vikram wasn't TRYING anything. He just sat there looking at Sanjay, waiting. Sanjay extended his hand and Vikram handed him THE FILE. THE FILE had everything. The mark sheets, the certificates, the recommendations, the awards. Gupta knew the file. He had seen a lot of these before. He knew what to expect. If he was a fresher, he had to be an IIM grad at least. Even grads from foreign universities were scrutinized deeply before even thinking of handing them an appointment letter. If he was experienced, he would have had to have a substantial number of years, only with the best finance firms. "Vicky Investors" etc would be laughed at. The cream. The firm looked only for the cream. But even the best used to quiver when they walked into this office. Why not Vikram Rathod? Or was Sanjay over-reacting?

Unsure, he opened THE FILE.

"Born 21 Septmeber 1983". Hmm. A young gun. What could this guy have possibly achieved?
"...as a defence officers son...".. Good roots. Big deal. Sometimes, the apple falls away from the tree.
"..among top three ranks in school always...". Great. What school? Gumnaam Pathshala? how many students were there? 18?
"Topped X and XII". Same argument as above.
A non-IIT engineer. Sanjays confidence started coming back. This guy was an engineer? That too from some college in Mumbai University. HE knew how THAT worked. And what these guys actually learned over the course of 4 (or maybe 5) years. He smiled inside. Mr Hot Shot wasn't so much of a hot shot was he? But, Rathod never said he was a Hot shot. Where did the word come from?

"Worked for 17 months at a top IT firm". What?? 17 months? But he is an 83 born. How come 17 months already with an engineering degree? Must have been forced into school early? Or was he a prodigy? Couldn’t be. He didn’t get into IIT did he?

He then saw the MBA college name. He had heard of it. Infact that was an understatement. Everyone had heard of it. But...it wasn't an IIM. It was somewhere in the top ten if he remembered correctly. But it wasn't an IIM. His silent laughter reverberated through his body. He felt good. He was going to rip this candidate apart. It didn’t matter if these guys were good. No one could match him. He knew everything there was to know. He knew all the questions that could be asked. And worse, he knew the best answers to those questions. He suddenly felt menacing. He wanted to make this guy feel ashamed. But why? Why? What had Vikram Rathod done? He had just walked into his office with a little.....confidence. The word stung. Confident. The one word he could come up with to describe this guy aptly. He let himself cool down. He looked up at Vikram. He saw the same question "So what’s good about YOU, Gupta?". No, it is just confidence, he thought. He realized that not one word had been spoken since Rathod had walked in. But he didn't want to change it. It usually intimidated the candidate more. They did 50% of the killing themselves. Harakiri. Not one word. Sanjay felt in command now. Really?

"..always involved in extra-curricular activities.."..Yeah yeah.
"played football for ..." Some club. Big deal. No free kicks here. The only kicks you got were...
"played badminton and cricket at college level". .uhuh.
"played zonal tennis"....so you are a player. Sanjay chuckled inwardly at his own stupid joke.
"Interested in music, played guitar and was a lead singer in a band"..maybe you can sing on your way out. Leaving on a jet plane? Sanjay shook a bit, he wanted to laugh out.
"books, poems, blah blah"...I am gonna laugh at his face.

"An Enfield Rider."



The inner laugh was gone. The question…the same question.


Dedicated to Royal Enfield. The unmistakable beat!

Two really good Hindi Movies

As the title suggests, this post will tell you about two Hindi movies that you should have watched but probably didn't for whatever reason. Now I am probably not a certified critic, but usually I find too many flaws with Hindi Movies (and English ones too sometimes), so you can be rest assured that if I am actually recommending a movie, then there must be something about it which will appeal to classy people. (I like to believe that). You can read up my review of Dhoom 2 to get an idea that I like substance in movies. So here goes










1) Ahista Ahista : Now most of the guys who watched this movie's trailer must have been put off by the Himesh music I am sure. I believe that the promos let the movie down. They could have put together a few sweet scenes from the movie (with reduced nasal sounds) and I am sure it would have piqued the interest of a few more people.

The movie is set in Delhi with its theme centering around the characters portrayed by Abhay Deol and Soha Ali Khan. Deol plays Ankush, a man who earns money by playing witness at the marriage bureau to total strangers. He happens to meet Megha (Soha Khan) because of his occupation. I wouldn't like to tell you more, because it kinda divulges the sweetness of the film. The story develops from there and just when everything seems to be falling into place for Abhay, there is a twist in the tale.

I liked this movie because it has a believable plot for one. Two, I think it has been directed very well. The only fault that I could think of (it wasn't much of a fault to me, but I guess people will complain about this) is that the movie is slow. But I didn't mind it one bit. Because while the director reduces the pace of the story-development he builds on each character. Three, I was amazed that all the actors have actually done a good job. Abhay deol plays his role to perfection. He suits these roles. There is a dialogue in the film where he says to Soha "Mujhe jaisa ladka...tumhari jaisi ladki ke saaath....I mean...tum toh classy ho na" comes so naturally that you dont smirk at it. Imagine Salman saying something like that.

Soha Ali Khan plays the lost-in-love girl very well. I wouldn't say that her performance is mind blowing, but compare it to Aishwarya/Kareena/Priyanka and she comes across as a Meryl Streep to me. Honest. She plays her part well and she looks very fresh. In fact everybody does.

This movie is good. I really liked it, and I watched it twice. At home. Even I was fooled by the promos and thought this film would suck, but if you like straightforward no-nonsense movies, then this one is for you. I particularly love the ending. It is very different from a conventional Bollywood movie. And that makes it better for me.

Having said it all, please don't watch the movie with sky high expectations. Just watch it as you would another Hindi Movie. You should like it.

2) Hum Dum : HAD any of you seen the trailer to this movie, you would have probably been forgiven to think that it was a B-Grade skin flick. I actually didn't watch the promos, but I am guessing that they didn't really portray the theme too well, in fact when I watched the first 2 minutes of the movie, I thought it was pretty much a B-Grade movie. But something about it kept me watching, and I actually watched the whole movie, engrossed and wondering how it was gonna end. And amazingly, it made me smile at the end. Very rare that....though I smiled at the end of Salaam-E-Ishq too..but that was because I was so happy I could go home to a disprin (That was a very sad movie). Hum Dum is good.

For the hip folks, the name of the movie is kinda corny. I understand. But the movie itself is not. The movie revolves around Siddhant (Romit Raj) and Rutu (Anjana Sukhani). Both characters are oblivious to each others existence, and both are involved in problems of their own. This is probably the only place where the story is weak, but I can let this pass in a good movie. Both need a little financial assistance and agree to participate in a game show aptly

titled "For Love or for Money". Rutu is already engaged while Siddhant

is just this loafer kinda guy. Here I must say that Anjana Sukhani is way out of his league. More about her: She appears in Salaam-E-Ishq as the HOT HOT HOT Bollywood dance teacher who seduces Anil Kapoor. Oh man..what I would give to be Anil Kapoor.

Back to the movie. So both of them participate in the game, and quite understandably and predictably are drawn close to each other. How they come close and fall for each other is shown rather cutely. Also the characters are consistent. Siddhant is still the stupid guy at the end of the movie, no life changing moment where he turns into this hero of the millennium. He always says the wrong thing at the wrong times. And Anjana Sukhani is sooooo adorable. She is very cute, and if anyone knows her, please tell her I would like to meet her sometime. Again, both the actors look fresh, and act well within their limits. Watch out for Siddhant's best friend, who is around for a little comedy.

There are various sub plots within the movie, and they have been dealt with very well. Again, I think the direction is good. The non-communication between the father and the son, the dilemma of choosing between money and love, all the angles are well dealt with. At the end, it is a very sweet movie, which had it probably starred A-List holly wood celebrities would have been rated as a somewhat cliched but well made movie. Wont compare with Bollywood actors though. A-rate Bollywood stars would have probably messed it up.

Both Ahista Ahista and Hum Dum are unconventional Hindi movies and that's probably another reason that I like them. Again, I stress, don't watch them with Titanic expectations and you should probably feel the same way that I do about them.

Best wishes

Cant take credit for this one. It was written by one of my friends...and was directed to me...I detected more than a hint of sarcasm, but he said it was all sincere :). He is a South Indian (am not being racist pls) and more often than not we see people struggle with Hindi ,but his Hindi is quite good....Proof follows. I have copied it exactly as it was from his e-mail.....and the first line word is "bad-dua"....I know how many people just might read it and understand it...and chuckle endlessly.

Abe.. dekh le..mein tujhe badhua nahin doonga…!
Dhua deta hoon..!

Teri shaadi ... tumhare man pasand waali ke saath hi hogi..!
Jo apne aap se zyaada tujhe hi bahut pyaar karegi ..!
Tu uska best half banega...!
Tere maangne par who Porche – Boxter gaadi laake degi…!
Teri uske saath bahut jamegi…!

Tujhe.. ache ache bahut hee pyaare Arjun Rampla jaise bache honge…
Jo kabhi tere baat nahin taalenge..!
Bahut padenge...tera naam bahut roshan karenge..!
Ek IAS officer banega..!
Tu karodon mein nahayega…!

Tere ko isse zyaada aur kya chahiye..?